Its my life

It has been a long time since I last accessed the Net freely. Now I don't have a computer or a mobile phone. Today I'm doing some thiruttuthanam. Life was going on normally, when I suddenly stopped and thought what life really is about. My life is like everyone else's. School, College, marriage and anytime children. After that, it would parenthood, more responsibility, old age and death. But something seems missing amongst all this. I'm not able to realise what it is. I have a feeling that i have lost something that's more important than anything else. What is it? I could not discuss it to anyone, not even my family. I find myself very far away from them, though this is my only home. And prison. I feel like I'm caught in a terrible dream from which I'm afraid to wake up though I can. Of course, I envy those who have taken responsibility for their own life sooner. I guess, no matter what, trusting my family has become impossible, though I know noone other than they. Why am I typing something that should be in my journal? I don't know. Maybe, I have gone mad?