Sorry teachers

Today I had some spare time and I went through my old blog posts. Back then when I posted them, I never thought I'll be ashamed of most of them. I've used swear words without knowing the meaning of most and have insulted my college 'gurus', especially Prabha ma'am. Look how times are changing. Back then it was fun, but now they hurt me. I mean, Prabha ma'am, though we made fun of her, was liked by our class. I guess I owe an apology to her and the other teachers  had trash talked about. I'm illiterate when it comes to frilly words. 


So here's a classic simple,
"I'm sorry my dear teachers. I know I owe you a lot but not those posts. I hope you could forgive me, the worst student in the world"

Aaron, my ex fiance

Okay, don't imagine stuff. I'll first announce this. I have never met anyone named Aaron, in real life. I am unaware of any possible celebrity with that name. Possibly, the only male character's name starting with A that I remember is, Andrew Paxton, Ryan Reynold's name in The Proposal. And I remember that name because I saw it for the 4th time just yesterday. Now to Aaron.

I love that name of course, because Aaron Stewart is the name I've given one of my male leads. This post is actually about a dream I had two nights ago. It was on the night of the Malaria Day celebrations I think, that I unconsiously wrote a poem after a really long time, a prayer to the Goddess. I was really happy about that fact and hoped my writing, my only best friend in this lonely world, won't desert me until I publish this one book. In fact, the desire to publish is the only reason, I'm writing whenever I could steal some alone time. We went home, talked and slept.

In my dream, I was at my aunt's place, remembering 'good old days'. For some reason, i was in a very bad phase of my life and I suddenly remembered my engagement with this guy called Aaron (the character i had created), who happened to be my aunt's sis-in-law's son. (There's no son, only a daughter Samantha, whom I had visited just the day before) Someone says in the background that I would have been better if I had married him not forgotten him. Well, it was so real, I was regretting that I forgot my true love, until i woke up. After I did, I laughed. You may think what was funny, but I was the one who saw it all. I had heard and read about writers living with their characrters, like Sujata used to write a lot about Ganesh and Vasant conversing with him. It felt stupid and also great to experience the same thing. I sometimes think like Anjana, sometimes wonder how I was going to make her fall in love, as I had never had a first-hand experience. Hell, i never even believed in 'love' till I started writing this story. Sometimes I wonder what was going on inside Viswanathan's head, about his love-hate relationship with his daughter Anjana. How do insensitively conservative dads react when their daughters bring home an American boyfriend? So many things in my mind. But i'm enjoying writing this story that is moving as fast as the laziest turtle can. Aaron? My ex fiance? Seriously! Hahahahaha

Namesakes

I had just exited from the blog of someone named Sahithya. Actually it kind of felt weird. Her description of herself, except of being 'Friends' fan, was exactly yours truly. If this were some stupid movie, I'd've been convinced by now that I have multiple personality disorder. Her poems and most of her posts on that page were almost me. Now I'm thinking of namesakes.

Wait. I'll have to start from the beginning.

Most you who were in Ajie ma'am's first class might remember how and why my mum gave me this name. Until I came to Chennai, I had never met someone with the same name. In fact for sometime, I was the only Sahithya in that gossipy little town. So I was rather arrogant that I was different from all the others; there were many rajalakshmis, naveenas, sripriyas, gomathis but never another Sahithya. When I was in my 7th std, I was first introduced to the internet by my uncle (now my husband). When he tried to get me an email ID on reddiff, the ID I wanted was not available. That was a big shock. Mama said that there would be so many Sahithyas around the world and I can't expect to be the only Sahithya. That day, I started hating whoever had my name, right from my neighbour's niece who was named after me to all the random Sahithya's I happened to see being listed when my cousin searched for my profile in FB. I was filled so much with hatred that I wanted to find out the organisers of Miss Chennai pageant and send them hate mails, day in and day out, because that year's Miss Chennai was also a Sahithya. Am I still like that? In a way, yes. But today was the first time in my 22 years in this planet that I smiled all the time, as I read the posts of a namesake. Perhaps, its because, she's a poet too and a book lover, a travel freak, a calvin maniac and a foodie; all that I am. Wow, this feels, weird as I first said.

Thirunangaigal

முதன்முதலில் நான் திருநங்கைகள் பற்றி தெரிந்து கொண்டது, பெண்கள் போல் வேடமிட்ட வெட்கம்கெட்ட ஆண்கள் என்பது தான். ஒம்போது என்றும் அலி என்றும் என்னை விட இளையா  பிள்ளைகள் சொன்ன பொது ஏதோ புது விஷயம் என்று தான் அவ்வார்த்தைகளைக் 

கற்றுக்கொண்டேன். 

என் அம்மாவின் வளர்ப்பில் இப்படிப்பட்ட பேச்சுக்கள் கற்பது குறைவு. உலகம் தெரிய வேண்டும் என விகடனும், கல்கியும் கொடுத்து வளர்த்தாள் அம்மா.

அப்பொழுது தொடங்கி இன்று வரை போய்க் கொண்டிருக்கும் என் கற்றலில் நான் அறிந்ததை சிந்தித்து பார்த்தால், 

இந்த மனித சமுதாயமும், சமத்துவச் சிந்தனையும், ஜனநாயகமும் வெறும் பிதற்றல் என்று தோன்றுகிறது. என்னச் சிந்தனையாலோ, ஆதி ஷக்தி பிறப்பில் மூன்றாவது சாதியையும் படைத்தது. அனால், 

அதற்குள் மனித இனம் பொறுமை இன்றி செல்லத் துவங்கிவிட்டது. 

ஆயிரமாயிரம் ஆண்டுகள் கடந்து, ஒரு நாள் நின்று பார்த்தால், நம்முடன் பிறந்த 

மூன்றாவது பிறப்பு  ஒடிந்த கால்களோடும், கேட்கப்படாத சொற்களோடும் நமக்கினையாக வர துடித்துக் கொண்டிருக்கிறது. பூவினம், புழுவினம், தொடங்கி, நம் ஒன்று விட்ட பாட்டனாரான திருவாளர்  குரங்கார் வரை மூன்றாவது பாலினத்தை பிரிதுபார்க்காமல் இருக்க, உயர் சிந்தனையில் திளைக்கும் நம்மிடம் மட்டும் ஏன் இந்த பாகுபாடு? பிறப்பில் ஒரு தவறும் இல்லையெனும் போது, தம்மை சமூகம் ஏற்க வானவில் ஊர்வலம் போகவேண்டிய கட்டாயம் ஏன் அவர்கட்கு? மனித நாகரிகம் வளரத்தொடங்கி ஈராயிரம் ஆண்டானப்  பின்னும், கூவாகத்தில் மட்டு களித்திருந்து, பிச்சை எடுத்தும், பாலியல் தொழில் செய்தும் பிழைக்கும் நிலை ஏன் அவர்களுக்கு? ஒரு வேளை, தனிமைக்கு அஞ்சி சமூகம் அமைத்த மனித மனம், சற்றே தாம் அறிந்த இயல்பினின்று பிறழ்ந்த குற்றத்திற்காக, அவர்களுக்கு கொடுக்கும் வக்கர தண்டனையோ இது?

ஆயிரம் சமத்துவம் பேசியென்ன? வக்கர மனதில் உள்ள பேதங்கள் போகும் வரை, சோஷலிசமும், சமத்துவமும் வெறும் பேத்தல் தானே?

Its my life

It has been a long time since I last accessed the Net freely. Now I don't have a computer or a mobile phone. Today I'm doing some thiruttuthanam. Life was going on normally, when I suddenly stopped and thought what life really is about. My life is like everyone else's. School, College, marriage and anytime children. After that, it would parenthood, more responsibility, old age and death. But something seems missing amongst all this. I'm not able to realise what it is. I have a feeling that i have lost something that's more important than anything else. What is it? I could not discuss it to anyone, not even my family. I find myself very far away from them, though this is my only home. And prison. I feel like I'm caught in a terrible dream from which I'm afraid to wake up though I can. Of course, I envy those who have taken responsibility for their own life sooner. I guess, no matter what, trusting my family has become impossible, though I know noone other than they. Why am I typing something that should be in my journal? I don't know. Maybe, I have gone mad?